I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
