So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
