I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
