Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
