It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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