Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
