Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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