does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Randomize
