Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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