That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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