Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
