You just made me feel so damn special
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
