i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just found a bag of teeth...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
