Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
