my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
