i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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