THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
