he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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