Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
