you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
