you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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