Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
