watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
