i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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