Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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