My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My penis needs a shock collar
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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