I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
