I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
