i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
