Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
