Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
