I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
