If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
