I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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