Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
