a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
