I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
