I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
