I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
