I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
