I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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