I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
