My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
