If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
