He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
whose parrot is this?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How does it feel to date your dad?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
