Redeem this text for a blowjob
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Houston, we have a squirter
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
