The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
