I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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