I have demons in me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
