I can text with my tongue
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
