Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
