i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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